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06 15 2007

Yes Men Solve the Climate Crisis: Soylent Green 1,851 Views

007-holding-reggie-1.jpgAt the Gas and Oil Exposition in Calgary this week, Exxon Mobil executive Florian Osenberg told a rapt audience that the ongoing climate change crisis is no big deal because the dead people can provide "more feedstock."

In a rousing speech for 300 oilmen and oilwomen with partner Shepard Wolff, the executive reassured the crowd that, even if billions die from expected climate-change-related disasters, the industry will continue to prosper. The oil companies could "keep fuel flowing," said the execs, by turning all the dead people into oil.

Wolff "described the technology used to render human flesh into a new Exxon oil product called Vivoleum," according to a press release about the event. "3-D animations of the process brought it to life" and candles were lit in honor of an Exxon Mobil janitor who was the first to undergo the process. The speakers were quickly removed from the stage when it was learned, via a final video testimonial from the deceased, that the candles were the janitor.

Wolff defended his actions for waiting reporters, saying, "150,000 people already die from climate-change related effects every year. That's only going to go up - maybe way, way up. Will it all go to waste? That would be cruel." Calgary cops soon arrived, but could find nothing wrong as long as "the executives" agreed to leave the premises.

The executives being the Yes Men, of course. The Yes Men are two guys who impersonate executives from unlovable corporations, get their fake selves invited to speak at conferences, and embarrass the hell out of their targets. You can learn more at http://www.theyesmen.org. And don't forget to check out these hysterical pictures of the speech. —BRIAN FAIRBANKS


Truly awesome - I wish I could have been there.

The URL should be theyesmen.org

Is it sad that while reading this I didn't doubt for a second that Exxon-Mobile was actually researching and implementing this?

Remember when you could read something and NOT think to yourself, "I wonder if they ever did that in The Onion?"

Wow-I wonder how much oil could be rendered from dead CEOs?

soylent oil sounds like a amazing viable source of energy for our oil starved nation.

this is great progress!

That's not very funny... corporations are people, too!

It's amazing he can keep a straight face.

If only it were true. It's not like dead bodies contain people anymore. Some people want their ashes dumped from a hot air balloon, and maybe some would like to be used for fuel and turned into green house gases.

I'm terrified at the fact that I fully believed this was real until I got to the bottom.

(Yes, I do think oil companies are THAT evil.)

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