Imposters shock oil conference
"Yes Men" propose burning humanity as "vivoleum" fuel in case of climate calamity.
Dateline: Monday, June 18, 2007
from the "Yes Men"
Imposters posing as ExxonMobil
and National Petroleum Council (NPC) representatives delivered an
outrageous keynote speech to 300 oilmen at GO-EXPO, Canada's largest
oil conference, held at Stampede Park in Calgary, Alberta, on June 15.
The speech was billed
beforehand by the GO-EXPO organizers as the major highlight of this
year's conference, which had 20,000 attendees. In it, the "NPC rep" was
expected to deliver the long-awaited conclusions of a study
commissioned by US Energy Secretary Samuel Bodman. The NPC is headed by
former ExxonMobil CEO Lee Raymond, who is also the chair of the study.
(See link at end.)
| | Corporate impersonators introduce "Vivoleum" fuel substitute to attentive audience. |
In the actual speech, the "NPC
rep" announced that current US and Canadian energy policies (notably
the massive, carbon-intensive exploitation of Alberta's oil sands, and
the development of liquid coal) are increasing the chances of huge
global calamities. But he reassured the audience that in the worst-case
scenario, the oil industry could "keep fuel flowing" by transforming
the billions of people who die into oil.
"We need something like whales,
but infinitely more abundant," said "NPC rep" "Shepard Wolff" (actually
Andy Bichlbaum of the Yes Men), before describing the technology used
to render human flesh into a new Exxon oil product called Vivoleum. 3-D
animations of the process brought it to life.
"Vivoleum works in perfect
synergy with the continued expansion of fossil fuel production," noted
"Exxon rep" "Florian Osenberg" (Yes Man Mike Bonanno). "With more
fossil fuels comes a greater chance of disaster, but that means more
feedstock for Vivoleum. Fuel will continue to flow for those of us
left."
The oilmen listened to the
lecture with attention, and then lit "commemorative candles" supposedly
made of Vivoleum obtained from the flesh of an "Exxon janitor" who died
as a result of cleaning up a toxic spill. The audience only reacted
when the janitor, in a video tribute, announced that he wished to be
transformed into candles after his death, and all became crystal-clear.
At that point, Simon Mellor,
Commercial & Business Development Director for the company putting
on the event, strode up and physically forced the Yes Men from the
stage. As Mellor escorted Bonanno out the door, a dozen journalists
surrounded Bichlbaum, who, still in character as "Shepard Wolff,"
explained to them the rationale for Vivoleum.
"We've got to get ready. After
all, fossil fuel development like that of my company is increasing the
chances of catastrophic climate change, which could lead to massive
calamities, causing migration and conflicts that would likely disable
the pipelines and oil wells. Without oil we could no longer produce or
transport food, and most of humanity would starve. That would be a
tragedy, but at least all those bodies could be turned into fuel for
the rest of us."
"We're not talking about
killing anyone," added the "NPC rep." "We're talking about using them
after nature has done the hard work. After all, 150,000 people already
die from climate-change related effects every year. That's only going
to go up — maybe way, way up. Will it all go to waste? That would be
cruel."
Security guards then dragged
Bichlbaum away from the reporters, and he and Bonanno were detained
until Calgary Police Service officers could arrive. The policemen,
determining that no major infractions had been committed, permitted the
Yes Men to leave.
Canada's oil sands, along with
"liquid coal," are keystones of Bush's Energy Security plan. Mining the
oil sands is one of the dirtiest forms of oil production and has turned
Canada into one of the world's worst carbon emitters. The production of
"liquid coal" has twice the carbon footprint as that of ordinary
gasoline. Such technologies increase the likelihood of massive climate
catastrophes that will condemn to death untold millions of people,
mainly poor.
"If our idea of energy security
is to increase the chances of climate calamity, we have a very funny
sense of what security really is," Bonanno said. "While ExxonMobil
continues to post record profits, they use their money to persuade
governments to do nothing about climate change. This is a crime against
humanity."
"Putting the former Exxon CEO
in charge of the NPC, and soliciting his advice on our energy future,
is like putting the wolf in charge of the flock," said "Shepard Wolff"
(Bichlbaum). "Exxon has done more damage to the environment and to our
chances of survival than any other company on earth. Why should we let
them determine our future?"
Text of speech, photos, video: www.vivoleum.com/event/ GO-EXPO statement: newswire.ca/en/releases/archive/June2007/14/c5086.html Press conference before this event, Friday, Calgary: arusha.org/event/7214
About the NPC and ExxonMobil: ga3.org/campaign/lee_raymond/explanation About the Alberta oil sands: www.sierraclub.ca/prairie/tarnation.htm About liquid coal: www.sierraclub.org/coal/liquidcoal/ Related addresses:
URL 1: www.theyesmen.org/agribusiness/vivoleum/event/
[ 2007 Features List ]
|