Canada’s oilmen got a crude surprise the other day when the YesMen pulled off a masterful hoax at a major oil producers conference.

After persuading conference organizers that they represented the National Petroleum Council, YesMen Andy Bichlbaum and Mike Bonanno delivered an outrageous keynote speech at GO-EXPO in Calgary (via beyond the beyond).

Billed as the major highlight of the conference, the bogus keynote showed how the oil industry could “keep fuel flowing” by transforming the billions of people who die into oil.

The YesMen described a technology that can be used to render human flesh into a new oil product called Vivoleum.

“We need something like whales, but infinitely more abundant,” declared the YesMen.

The oilmen listened to the lecture with attention, and then lit “commemorative candles” supposedly made of Vivoleum obtained from the flesh of an “Exxon janitor” who died as a result of cleaning up a toxic spill.

“We’re not talking about killing anyone,” added the “NPC rep.” “We’re talking about using them after nature has done the hard work.”

The audience only reacted when the janitor, in a video tribute, announced that he wished to be transformed into candles after his death, and all became crystal-clear.
At that point, the YesMen were physically forced from the stage.

The Calgary police quicky determed that no major infractions had been committed, and permitted the YesMen to leave.

Noting that Canada’s oil sands are keystones of Bush’s Energy Security plan, and that mining the oil sands is one of the dirtiest forms of oil production, the YesMen said:

“If our idea of energy security is to increase the chances of climate calamity, we have a very funny sense of what security really is. While ExxonMobil continues to post record profits, they use their money to persuade governments to do nothing about climate change. This is a crime against humanity.”

Attendees had paid 50 dollars a head to hear what they thought was a speech from the National Petroleum Council, a group that also advises the White House on oil and gas matters. It was rumoured a new joint energy policy from the Canadian and American governments was coming.

The Yes Men are an anti-globalization activist group that travels the world pulling pranks at corporate events. They were featured in an award-winning documentary three years ago.