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I've completely missed my calling. When I grow up I want to be one of the Yes Men.
This group of "culture jamming" political activists, led by Andy Bichlbaum and Mike Bonnano, pulled one of my all-time favourite satire-in-cheek stunts.
They created a fake website posing as ExxonMobil developers of a groundbreaking petroleum product called "Vivoleum." From their site they garnered an invitation to be keynote speakers at Go-Expo, Canada's biggest petroleum conference held last month in Calgary.
They explained in gushing oil-speak that as a result of the probability of global calamities the oil industry could "keep fuel flowing" by transforming the millions of people who will inevitably die into – um, oil.
The audience was then asked to light their commemorative "Vivoleum" candles. They elaborated that these particular candles were made from the flesh of an "Exxon janitor" who died as a result of cleaning up a toxic spill.
It was only when a video was shown of the supposed "dead janitor" professing his wish to be rendered into candles after his death that the penny dropped. Security escorted both men out.
Still in character, they enlightened reporters, "We're not talking about killing anyone. We're talking about using them after nature has done the hard work."
These guys are like an Escher poster of protest. Their zany theatrical satire in action is my definition of what effective new millennium protest should look like – creative, outrageous, thought-provoking, and most of all – new.
Bra burning and boycotting worked if you were 20 in 1968, but why does so much of the activist community look like they've been jellied in aspic since then? The rest of the world has sped past them.
A few innovators get it. The famously anonymous Guerrilla Girls, with a tag line "Reinventing the F word: Feminism," started showing up in gorilla masks in the late '80s in New York to protest women under-represented in the art world. They took out ads across city buses that read, "Do women have to go naked to get into the Met [Metropolitan] Museum?"
The group conducted a "weenie count" and found fewer than 5 per cent of artists shown at the museum were female but 85 per cent of nudes were women.
Years ago "Reclaim the Night" protests were well-intentioned, but they just didn't work. I much prefer the efforts of Holla Back (from the cheerleading phrase "holler back") whose motto against street molesters is, "If you can't slap 'em, snap 'em." Their website's home page shows people brandishing camera cellphones like a weapon, then showcases pictures of the men who abused them on city subways and streets. Sister groups have sprung up in Canada and Europe.
Why isn't "create your own media" every protest organization's new mantra?
The Yes Men are infiltrating big government and corporate "evildoers" with satire so savvy many don't realize they've been had until someone tells them the king isn't wearing any clothes. The Holla Back website is not just protesting street molestation, but transforming newer media into their tool.
Put the placards away with the patchouli incense. If you want change, start seeing protest as an art form your cause must own and generate. You don't need a new message, you just need an entirely new way to tell it – then we'll listen.
Tracey Barnett is an American journalist working in Auckland, New Zealand.
