Halliburton Solves Global Warming
Halliburton Contracts ^
Posted on 05/13/2006 8:49:12 PM PDT by Lorianne
SurvivaBalls save managers from abrupt climate change
An advanced new technology will keep corporate managers safe even when climate change makes life as we know it impossible. [Speech, photos]
"The SurvivaBall is designed to protect the corporate manager no matter what Mother Nature throws his or her way," said Fred Wolf, a Halliburton representative who spoke today at the Catastrophic Loss conference held at the Ritz-Carlton hotel in Amelia Island, Florida. "This technology is the only rational response to abrupt climate change," he said to an attentive and appreciative audience.
Most scientists believe global warming is certain to cause an accelerating onslaught of hurricanes, floods, droughts, tornadoes, etc. and that a world-destroying disaster is increasingly possible. For example, Arctic melt has slowed the Gulf Stream by 30% in just the last decade; if the Gulf Stream stops, Europe will suddenly become just as cold as Alaska. Global heat and flooding events are also increasingly possible.
In order to head off such catastrophic scenarios, scientists agree we must reduce our carbon emissions by 70% within the next few years. Doing that would seriously undermine corporate profits, however, and so a more forward-thinking solution is needed.
At today's conference, Wolf and a colleague demonstrated three SurvivaBall mockups, and described how the units will sustainably protect managers from natural or cultural disturbances of any intensity or duration. The devices - looking like huge inflatable orbs - will include sophisticated communications systems, nutrient gathering capacities, onboard medical facilities, and a daunting defense infrastructure to ensure that the corporate mission will not go unfulfilled even when most human life is rendered impossible by catastrophes or the consequent epidemics and armed conflicts.
"It's essentially a gated community for one," said Wolf.
Dr. Northrop Goody, the head of Halliburton's Emergency Products Development Unit, showed diagrams and videos describing the SurvivaBall's many features. "Much as amoebas link up into slime molds when threatened, SurvivaBalls also fulfill a community function. After all, people need people," noted Goody as he showed an artist's rendition of numerous SurvivaBalls linking up to form a managerial aggregate with functional differentiation, metaphorically dancing through the streets of Houston, Texas.
The conference attendees peppered the duo with questions. One asked how the device would fare against terrorism, another whether the array of embedded technologies might make the unit too cumbersome; a third brought up the issue of the unit's cost feasibility. Wolf and Goody assured the audience that these problems and others were being addressed.
"The SurvivaBall builds on Halliburton's reputation as a disaster and conflict industry innovator," said Wolf. "Just as the Black Plague led to the Renaissance and the Great Deluge gave Noah a monopoly of the animals, so tomorrow's catastrophes could well lead to good - and industry must be ready to seize that good."
Goody also noted that Jean-Michel Cousteau's
Ocean Futures Society was set to employ the SurvivaBall as part of its
Corporate Sustenance (R) program. Another of Cousteau's CSR programs
involves accepting a generous sponsorship from the Dow Chemical
Corporation, whose general shareholder meeting is May 11.
That is funny!
that has got to be a joke. and a joke site.
This seems to be part of an elaborate system of links aimed at slamming corporate America, including Exxon, Dow and others. Someone put a lot of time and effort into this. It is so well-crafted, in fact, that it looks like a highly funded group might be behind it. Someone like, oh, I don't know.... SOROS????
If these morons spent as much time looking for a real job and doing it well, they might actually be successful and/or find some meaning in their lives. Instead, they are tedious, sophomoric jackasses who live to get attention by self-degradation and offensive behavior.
:)
...will sustainably protect managers from natural or cultural disturbances of any intensity or duration.
"Cultural disturbances?" Even rap music or Paris Hilton cannot penetrate them!
Founded in 1973, The Heritage Foundation is a research and educational institute - a think tank - whose mission is to formulate and promote neoconservative public policies based on the principles of Laissez-faire capitalism, limited democracy, acute self interest, and traditional facsist values, with a strong police and military keen on silencing national and international dissent. We are proud of our legacy. Over the years, Heritage's unique blend of sound-bite policy proposals and congressional marketing has gradually eroded the notion of think tanks as centers of nonpartisan scholarship. With success in policy-making ultimate bottom line, Heritage has helped launch a new breed of advocacy outfits driven by ideology and corporate largesse.
Someone
is very angry, very motivated, and very interested in doing some harm
with this garbage. The Halliburton thing was cute, but it's tied into
the fashionable mythos of global warming, vast right-wing conspiracy,
and other perceptions about America that so many seem to want to
spread. It's quite disturbing, actually, to see what pains someone has
taken to set all of these links up.
On the other hand, it could be some Halliburton employees with a good sense of humor.
I was expecting to see a photo from "The Prisoner".
Golly !! Maybe the reason that "Aberjabber" Iranian
guy is talkin' so much "smack", is because he bought himself one of
those Haliburton ball thingees .....
I don't think so, Lorianne. The links on the side of
the site go to other fake sites that are pretty vicious. They look like
sites for Dow, The Heritage Foundation, and American Petroleum
Institute, but if you look more closely, whoever created them makes
these organizations look like they are proud of destroying the
environment, bribing the government, and generally raping the world.
Dig deeper, and you'll see some pretty nasty stuff.
Is that John Kerry in there>?
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