We temporarily suspend our normally snide editorial tone to make a sincere and fervent "public radio"-style plea for additional subscriptions. It is imperative that we raise an unknown, but no doubt considerable, amount of money to acquire a few Halliburton SurvivaBalls.
Every
responsible institution is inherently interested in its own continuity;
our unique position demands an extra measure of effort. For the sake of
the Gazette, the Nation, and newspaper tradition, we simply
must have enough Halliburton SurvivaBalls to weather whatever
catastrophe Nature may throw at us in retaliation for what mankind is
doing to her.
We apologize for the ad hocnature of this program. We were informed only this morning of the existence of these world-class survival devices. Apparently they were introduced yesterday at the LexisNexis Mealey's Catastrophic Loss Conference held Monday and Tuesday at the Ritz-Carlton Hotel in Amelia Island, Florida.
Insurance
professional, lawyers, and others who stand to lose if the world ends
gathered near Jacksonville to exchange views on hurricanes, floods,
fires, and the overall deterioration of Earth.
In conjunction
with the rollout of the SurvivaBall, Halliburton executive Fred S. Wolf
spoke Tuesday on "Disaster Preparedness: How To Plan and React to a
Catastrophic Event," according to LexisNexis. We found it curious that
a Halliburton representative would speak so openly about planning
catastrophes, until the Survivaball was revealed. Clearly Halliburton
has made a strategic decision to convert a liability -- their
predeliction for generating catastrophes - into a profit center.
In
vaguely-related news, the closings of several stretches of the
interstate highway system apparently did not hinder the departure of
attendees.
