too much fun

The shadowy forces known only as the Yes Men describe their recent adventures on a field trip to a conference organized by the pointy-headed archconservative Heritage Foundation "think tank":

Thursday, April 29

In order to register (free) for the Heritage conference , we've formed a right-wing think tank ($12 for the domain name). We've also registered for (free) table space, so when we arrive at the hotel we immediately go looking for an open table to display our wares: a foot-long Roman warship ($30) and some insane "position papers." We eventually find an empty spot, next to the Cato Institute and not far from a table featuring books like Eco-Imperialism: Green Power, Black Death and How Union Bosses Have Hijacked Our Government.

The event teems with 650 smiling, friendly and blandly-dressed people hired by well-endowed think tanks fighting "socialistic" ideas: the Jesse Helms Institute, the Hoover Institution, the Atlas Foundation (based on the books of Ayn Rand), the Society for the Economic Study of Religion (which, a young representative tells us, has determined that Pentecostalism is the best religion for a free market, and so sends missionaries to Africa), and so on.

We dive deeper and deeper into the novel logic of conservative thought. For lunch, as brown-skinned people serve us chicken, millionaire money-manager Derwood Chase tells us about his personal efforts to help keep taxes down and end the government handouts that make people fat and lazy. Throughout the rest of the day, we attend foray after stultifying foray into the importance of bringing U.S. "socialism" (public education, public health care, Social Security) to an end. There's even a foreigner: a Chilean economist who describes the wonders of Chile's development since Pinochet.

After lunch, some young protesters wearing ostrich suits demand that lawmakers get their heads out of the sand and fix Social Security. When asked about their concept, the ostriches shrug and send us to a spokesperson for the lobby group "For Our Grandchildren," who reluctantly explains that the protesters are temps, hired that morning.

Who knew faking it amongst the loony right could be so much fun? (Actually, we had a sneaking suspicion, but it's gratifying to see it confirmed.)

Also check out the webpage for the Society for Socioeconomic Stability for the aforementioned insane position papers. Some excerpts from "Stabilizing the Realm: Surviving in Roiling Foreign-Policy Seas":

Point: Apocalypse is our friend.
Apocalypse is a difficult doctrine. It involves the world coming to an end, most of humanity dying harsh deaths, etc.
There is a very good chance that if you are a typical well-educated conference-goer, whether Christian, Muslim, or Jewish, you do not subscribe to the concept of Apocalypse. You may find it absurd prima facie, or you may feel that the Book of Revelations, as most scholars suggest, was elliptically addressing an immediate Roman subject, and never pretended to describe what might happen 2000 years in the future.
Well, we're here to tell you something: whatever the scholars might say, the Apocalyptic model is correct!
Note: we are not suggesting that Apocalypse will soon happen. The Bible’s later books may or may not have relevance about what, in the year 2004, we can expect from the future. Rather, we are asserting that the Apocalyptic mindset is exactly is needed in the world today.