While the best result can be obtained by simply moving in to the Anthology Film Archives at 2nd St. and 2nd Ave., NYC, from now until next Tuesday, perhaps you might have to feed your cats or go to work. You can plan your own schedule here from the hundreds of films, or you can take my word on some of the highlights not to miss this year:

Chickenhawk: Men Who Love Boys
Saturday, 7:30 p.m. and Monday 9:15 p.m.

I had the.. good fortune, I guess you'd say, to see this film a few years back. Shot in (almost) completely straight-faced documentary style, Chickenhawk is devoted to interviews with pedophiles describing both how hot teen boys make them and how intensely persecuted they are. There is one scene in this movie that has freaked me out to this day: a man talking about a boy opening like a little flower. This man was wearing this sweater that just terrified me. I kid you not. It's really an incredible documentary. Chickenhawk is fabulously paired with a five-minute video documentary of last year's protest of the Film Festival by none other than Fred Phelps, Mr. God Hates Fags. How meta!

Trailertown
Sunday, 7:30 p.m. and Tuesday, 6:15 p.m.

This is what I'm really most excited about. The world premiere of Trailertown, the sad sick story of a gang of aged, unemployable comedians who all live in a trailer park in California. The scatalogical foulness is supposed to be incredible. It's going to be like a homecoming for me! This one will sell out on Sunday so get yer tickets early.

Scumrock
Saturday, 5:45 p.m. and Monday 6:15 p.m.

Jon Moritsugu, whose Der Elvis was chosen by the Village Voice as one of the top 50 movies of the 80s, is the coolest filmmaker you've never heard of. His new feature, Scumrock, is a rude satire of a punk rock band and a bunch of artsy hangers-on in San Francisco. Allegedly he's becoming more narrative-based and a little less "difficult." But who cares? The man made a film called Little Debbie Snack Whore of NYC, therefore he is a god. If it's indie cred you're looking for, you can come lick some up at this screening.

The Un-American Film Festival
Tuesday, 5:45 p.m.

For the political junkies in the house, the Un-American Film Festival presents a handful of short films and videos on "subjects generally glossed over in the mainstream from white privilege and anti-globalization to independent media and the anti-war movement." No, it's no barrel of laughs, but you might learn yourself somethin'.

The Horribly Stupid Stunt (Which Has Resulted in His Untimely Death), playing with High School Reunion
Tuesday, 9:45 p.m.

For those who missed this bizarre moment in history, the Yes Men are a group of conceptual political pranksters who were accidently invited represent the World Trade Organization at an Austrian international trade conference. The results were insane. Now you can see their Powerpoint presentation in action, explaining at the conference exactly how lazy Italians are and how Americans should sell their votes. High School Reunion sounds like a dream come true: one woman travels to her reunion to wreak havoc, confront high school bullies, and kiss guys she had crushes on. Rock!

Check out the whole schedule for experimental and animated programs, art projects gone horribly wrongly right, dumb jokes, bitchin' critique, and pure smut. The Underground Film Festival is a little bit of heaven on earth just for you. The box office opens at noon every day and it's first come first serve, so serve yourself something you won't get a chance to see anywhere else.